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Nice to Meet You!

Hello there! Welcome to life in 2018. Yes you, sitting there reading this because you are avoiding work, hiding from the kids and doing your best not to get dragged into something else you don't want to be doing. I am glad you stopped by to visit. 

Let me introduce myself. My name is Kim. I am an almost 40 something (gulp) year old wife, mom, and friend. I hail from southwestern Ohio, and I am currently doing my best to get the heck out of Dodge and move back down south where I was born (come on June!). Life has been a long, interesting journey to date. 

I am married to the love of my life, Ryan, and between us, we have 2 teen boys  (mine -17 and 19), and two girls (his-20 & 21). The girls each have little ones, and we are the proud Papaw and Mamaw of 2 and 1/2 granddaughters (our most recent isn't here yet, and we are anxiously waiting for her July arrival) and one grandson. We also have 2 orange fluffballs who think they rule the roost, as all cats do, and 2 black beasts that are just happy for belly rubs and a bone now and then.

I'll do my best to keep you entertained, and you will find that I will touch on any number of topics in no particular order. Feedback is welcomed, and I will do my best to respond timely.

Thanks for joining me, hope to see you again soon!

 

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Stuck in an Overwhelming Rut

I have been away from writing much longer than I originally planned. It’s been a bit hectic, and I got distracted with life. I had to put my kitty to sleep on March 8th, which was super hard to do. He was 15 ½ and failing a little more every day. He was at the point where he could barely eat anything (I was giving him an almost liquid diet at the time) and you could just tell he was not happy or comfortable the last couple days. I took the day off work and spent his last hours snuggling and loving on him. I know a lot of people would say, it’s just a cat, get over it. He was my baby. He helped me get through my divorce and snuggled me through a lot of lonely nights that I spent alone when my kids were gone for the weekend. He always knew when I wasn’t feeling good and would lay with me. I was greeted at the door every day with head butts and a chirpy little “mrow” when I would get home. I miss him. His brother does too.

Life has continued on, however. We are still trying to get the house in order to sell. Making headway slowly, but it is happening. I am at the point of freak out mode. I need to have the house on the market by June 1st. There is still so much to do for it. The last week of May we will be actively looking for a house to buy. Houses in my area are selling in about a week. This is a good and a bad thing. Mostly good, because it will put us closer to our goal, but at the same time, bad because it is usually 30 days to close and we have to be ready to move out.  This throws the question of having a job into the equation. I have been in limbo for a while now. Work asked me not to leave, and I said I would consider it, and make me an offer worth my while. This was back in December, before Christmas. It is now almost the end of March, and I have not heard anything. People still act surprised when I say I am moving. I can’t put my life on hold indefinitely waiting for something that may or may not happen. At this point, I am moving since nothing has been done for the last 4 months. It is pretty much too late for me to do anything else.

I have been falling more and more behind with things that needs to be done on a daily basis. The lack of sleep at night isn’t helping. I wake up around 3-4 every morning and see the clock at least once an hour if not twice until it is time to get up at 7. Most nights I am asleep by 11:30. So after about 4 hours I start waking up. This of course leads to me being grumpy (I really NEED my sleep!). I work during the day, come home, get dinner ready, pack lunch and breakfast for the hubby and am too tired to do much of anything after that. I did manage to get myself in gear last night even though I was tired and got most of the day to day stuff done, which helped my mood tremendously. A hot bath in my bubbly tub helped, until I woke up again at 4:11. (Cue soft crying…I just need a full night’s sleep.)

On the bright side, at least the snow is supposed to end today. It is spring after all.

Dream a little dream for me

They say dreams are the windows of the soul–take a peek and you can see the inner workings, the nuts and bolts. – Henry Bromel

I am a dreamer. I don’t mean I am a starry-eyed staring off into space, locked in the confines of my mind, make the world a better place, find-my-happy-within kind of person. I am not what society identifies a dreamer as either. I am a hard core, fall asleep when my head hits the pillow type of dreamer. It is exhausting more often than not. I have read that the majority of people don’t remember their dreams, or they swear they don’t dream. Or that most dreams are forgotten in the 20-30 seconds after waking. I am the complete opposite. I dream all the time. Very few nights go by that I don’t wake up knowing what I dreamed about. I can describe them in very intricate detail too, from smells, to sounds, colors and feelings. Some of my dreams are so real, I am not sure where the lines of waking and sleeping cross. Many nights after dreaming these dreams, I wake up more tired than before I went to sleep. It is not uncommon for me to have 5 or 6 of these dreams a night.

On occasion, I will have a type of recurring dream. These dreams are never a loop or a repeat of a previous dream, but always follow the same theme. I really like this kind of dream, because it is always exciting, even though it is extremely frustrating at the same time. Although I can relate a lot of my waking conversations, TV shows, or books I have read to other dreams I have had, I haven’t been able to come up with a reason for these dreams and they just happen when I haven’t had one in a while. I think it might be my subconscious telling me that I am missing something somewhere, but I am not sure.

I dream about anything. I am not always myself. Sometimes I am two different people. I can be an animal, a child, someone of the opposite sex, it doesn’t matter. Many times I am even myself, while at the same time watching what is going on from outside my body. It’s weird, I know. My husband has a tendency to look at me sideways when I tell him I had a weird dream. He just doesn’t understand how I can go into such detail describing them. Even with the detail I can give, it still doesn’t do it justice.

My usual recurring dreams are about houses. In my waking life, I have never been to these houses, but in my dreams I know them very intimately. Many times they will belong to relatives I am visiting. The houses are always the neatest things I have seen. They are usually really old, and grand, but also damaged in some way at the same time. Floors have a tendency to be broken and have holes in them. There is always a room I am trying to get to, but can never quite find a way to get there. Something always blocks my way, whether it is physical, or even something that terrifies me and keeps me from going in. In my dreams, I KNOW there is something beyond in these rooms I can never get to, and it is always a treasure of some kind. I always wake up so disappointed that I never quite get to discover the really neat things that are waiting. I wonder if I will ever find out what it is I am supposed to find. I guess I will have to close my eyes again to see.

I am no Picasso

So on top of being in the middle of updating my laundry room, I have decided to pick one small thing a night to deal with in the house department. Tonight, I am going to tackle one bathroom shelf closet. I know if doesn’t sound like much, but I have to start somewhere. June 1st is coming up way too fast. I am finding working weekends at my 2nd job is both helpful (extra money) and a hindrance (no time to do the things I need at home). I guess I just need to plan on being exhausted until my goal of moving is met. I am exhausted every day all day as it is, so I am already halfway there! Realistically, I need a 3 week vacation so I can deal with the house every day all day to even get close to being where I need to be so I can move. Unfortunately, that isn’t going to be possible. I think if I call in sick for the next couple weeks they just suspect something is up and may want to see a doctor’s note.

On the plus side, this past weekend I was able to get a bit of painting done in my laundry room, and will be able to get the 2nd coat on in the next day or so and can them move on to the floor (yay!). I had no major mishaps while working, with the exception of my paintbrush wanting to shed its icky little hairs in my paint. (Note to self, buy better brushes.) I have also discovered, that while I am a decent roller and cutter-in-er, I have no patience whatsoever when it comes to painting trim. I do not have the patience for it AT ALL.

I am no Picasso. Realistically, I probably border on pre-school finger painting talent. I’m not even sure I could win a painting contest in a room full of 4 year olds. This is kind of ironic because I have a whole room of my own dedicated to arts and crafts. If it deals with a sewing machine, glue gun, glitter, cutting paper or anything along those lines, I can make some pretty cool stuff. Drawing and painting are a HUGE zero for me. I just don’t see it. It does not translate from eye to brain to hand to paper. Or wall in this case.

Have I mentioned I am already bored with my laundry room project? I know it will look great when it is done, but it is just so slow going. I guess I just have to take it one day at a time for now.

Get your crap together!! (Part 1)

Most days are pretty normal for me. Get up, go to work, come home, take care of the 4 legged beasts, make dinner so I can feed the 2 legged beast I married, tidy up around the house a bit, relax awhile and go to bed. I don’t do anything that is really out of the ordinary in life for the majority of people in the world. (Translation: I am getting old, boring, and I really treasure a good night’s sleep and a life with no drama included.)  However, this week was a struggle for me. Oh, how I struggled with life. Every. Single. Day.

I’m not much of a whiner. I like to think I am a pretty strong person. I get annoyed every now and then, but I am a pretty upbeat person most of the time. I roll with the punches. This has NOT been my week.

I have a hard enough time dealing with fall, as the temperatures start to get cooler and the days turn grayer. Blah. I get a bit grumpy. Winter is my nemesis. I loathe winter. Now, I know you are probably thinking to yourself, “Come on, Kim. Winter is NOT that bad.” You don’t understand. I absolutely detest every aspect of winter. The snow, ice, wind, rain, mud, salt, gray skies, and bone chilling cold do me in. I am miserable. I could hibernate from November until April and be perfectly happy to never leave the confines of my house. That being said, my house felt like a prison this week. I could just not get my crap together.

My husband and I are working on getting our house ready to sell. It didn’t seem like so much work at first. AT FIRST. We need to purge some stuff around the house, box some stuff up, paint some walls, and fix a couple of things we know need attending. No big deal. Oh, but it is. It is SUCH a big deal.

We have decided each week we will both pick a project to work on. My first project was to get the laundry room in shape. Now my laundry room is not huge. And the only mess it has had is cat related. I didn’t think it was going to be too much of an issue now that the kids aren’t the ones dealing with the litter box. When it was the kid’s responsibility, there was always cat pee on the floor outside the box. Didn’t matter how much I yelled about cleaning it, they didn’t do it regularly. So I took it back over. We have very few issues now. So now it is time to get back to the laundry room. I needed to scrub the floor, and the baseboard, back door and cabinet were going to be painted white and then there was the general purge of the things we don’t use in there.  Here is my process:

Step 1: Clean the junk. Not a big deal. It is all moved out and into the living room and hallway. This includes the litter box and cat food and water, vacuum, steam cleaner, broom, bag of clothes to take to the thrift shop, and the general clutter. I filled a trash bag. YAY ME. Because of past experience with the cats and moving their stuff, the food and litter box are in the dining room on the tile floor. HA! You won’t trick me into having it on the carpet! I’m no dummy! (I think to myself right before I find myself scrubbing cat pee off the tile floor.) Congratulate myself and run to Home Depot and Wal-Mart for supplies to clean and paint.

Step 2: Sweep and scrub the floor. (I can do this.)

Step 3: Wash down the baseboard and prep surfaces for painting. (Wait, WHAT in the world is that smell?) Investigate said smell.

Step 4: Put your nose to the floor and about pass out from the smell of cat. Realize the linoleum squares are no longer glued down to the floor. Understand this issue MUST be fixed to sell the house. Have a small panic attack, because you can’t afford to keep spending money to fix things. Count the floor tiles. You need 100 square feet. Start pulling up the flooring in the laundry room before your husband gets home from work. (He already thinks you are crazy anyway.) Get tired halfway through and take a break. Grab your order from the grocery during the pick-up window then drive to Lowe’s. Price flooring and impulsively buy a new floor. Argue with the girl at the register over the cost when it rings up $0.48 more each piece than what is advertised on the sign at $0.99 per piece. Find out your flooring is not a square foot each but 1.5 square feet. Buy it anyway, you can return what you don’t use.

Step 5: Put away the groceries and explain to your husband what happened. He has a beer in hand so, not much of a reaction. Continue to pull up vinyl then scrub the floor on hands and knees to try to clean up any remaining cat issue. Find the baseboard on the long wall is destroyed from termites from previous owners. Pry baseboard off. Clean up floor again. Finish laundry in the process so washer and dryer can be moved so tile underneath can be removed. Take a shower and pass out in bed.

Step 6: Realize this was a bad idea and acknowledge that this is not going to be a weekend project. Die a little inside. Scrub the floor again, with a magic DIY cat smell formula. It doesn’t help. Ponder painting the floor with Kilz. Continue to work on the laundry room. Run to home Depot to get new baseboard and finishing nails to install. Let husband tell you it will be easier to use Liquid Nails. Go back to Home Depot. Come home, put glue all over baseboard. Realize that even though it is cut to the correct size, there is no way to get it between the heater, hot water heater, miscellaneous hoses, wires, etc. Go to the back garage to cut it with the saw. Hear something alive and big in the back. Squeal a little bit and go get the hubby to help. Cut the board down and install. Shut the door and pretend said animal is not in the garage.

Step 7: Be proud for the day and tape for painting. Find that your dad never finished painting behind the door.

Skip off to make dinner and get breakfast and lunches ready for the week. Plan to come home every night after work and do a little painting. Leave the mess in the living room and hallway. Go to bed.

Step 8: Don’t do a damn thing any night of the week because you aren’t sleeping and you are exhausted. Ignore the mess in the hall and living room.

Step 9: Get a letter from the school about youngest kid missing too much school. Freak out and yell and scream at the kid and ex-husband, which makes the week so much better (more about this later). Ignore the mess in the hall and the living room.

Step 10: It is now Friday and I have to work tomorrow. So Sunday is my next day to hit it all day long and hard. Hope like hell to get the painting done at least. **Fingers crossed**, as I ignore the mess in the hall and the living room.